I met him whilst playing Disney Trivia at a nation student society in Uppsala. The American.
It started friendly, although I noticed he was a bit odd. He talked loudly, made unfunny jokes, and was arrogant. He kept talking in Swedish although no one in our group spoke it. He directed the conversation where he wanted:
THE AMERICAN: *does a really bad Australian accent* How was that?
ME: Yeah, pretty good! I’d give it a 7/10. Have you been to Australia?
THE AMERICAN: *does a really bad Australian accent again* What about now? I think that was better.
ME: Oh…yeah maybe.
THE AMERICAN: I think I’m better at English though. *does a really bad English accent*
But he was American, so I didn’t think much of it. At this point I still thought he was fairly “normal”, if kind of annoying to talk to, and “nice enough”, meaning I could tolerate hanging with him.
But then, eventually, we talked politics, because small talk can only interest me for so long, and we were both on the edge of the group, and trivia was taking forever. I mentioned I thought Bernie Sanders seemed okay. He immediately lifted up his hand and made a snipping motion with his fingers directed towards his crotch.
ME: Haha, what’s that supposed to mean?
THE AMERICAN: He’s a cuckold.
I was confused, and slightly shocked at the crudeness.
ME: What makes him a cuckold?
THE AMERICAN: He looks after someone else’s kids. *snipping motion*.
I was truly dumbfounded by this statement. !?!?!?!? What!? Of course, I defended Sanders and step-fathers the world over as best I could, saying that if anything that made him more of a man, as he loves his wife so much he loves everything about her, children included, and that he’s willing to put jealousy aside. But my opinions weren’t even to be considered as he just shook his head and continued to make that disgusting snipping motion. Apparently, man’s sole purpose in life is to reproduce, and he cannot respect anyone who doesn’t choose this path. I ask: So someone without kids is less of a person? The answer: Yes. And yes, that includes infertile people.
Realising what kind of person I was sitting next to, of course, I had to probe. Admittedly, I was kind of excited. I’d never encountered someone with such different world views to me, and I was interested to hear his opinion on other hot topics. Maybe understand the conservative way of thinking a bit more.
So what did I found out?
- He likes Donald Trump. Thinks he is “no bullshit”.
- Guns are needed to “ protect us from the tyranny of government”.
- He has to be the captain, and his wife is the first mate. Can’t she be the co-captain? No, because *snipping motion*. And also, because he’s seen no examples of good female leaders. None. Oh, except maybe Marie Curie. Maybe. (He said this as the only male in a group of 6 females. Arrogance, disrespect, or a complete lack of social awareness? I’m betting all three.)
- Thoughts on feminism? I would dance on the graves of feminists. (Literal direct quote).
- The jury’s out on climate change.
What had started as shock, curiosity and amusement quickly turned to anger and frustration. I couldn’t say anything, because he couldn’t care less about my thoughts. My hands were literally shaking and I felt physically ill. I tried to pretend he wasn’t there. I couldn’t even look at him. I wanted nothing to do with him, to never see him again. My whole body was on edge, like my fight/flight mechanism had been triggered, and I couldn’t sleep that night because I had this weird sort of adrenalin rush. I waited until 3am just to vent for an hour to my boyfriend.
The great thing about travel and exchange is getting to meet people from all over the world, with differing opinions, values and cultures. Usually I love this, especially when the conversation gets juicy – politics, religion, social issues, etc – I love understanding other’s views so that I can further develop my own. So I was actually surprised to find out that I had my limits. It made me question my belief in myself as a tolerant and open minded person.
In the aftermath of The American, I almost felt disappointed in myself, guilty, for being too caught up in my own shock and anger to really try to understand his views. Am I not tolerant enough of people different than me? Am I actually close minded? …But surely I shouldn’t I have to tolerate these views without challenging them, or being frustrated? I kept using this word tolerance until I was really confused. Is tolerance a good or a bad thing? It sounds both positive and passive. What does it even mean?
Tolerance: 1. To allow the existence, presence, practice, or act of without prohibition or hindrance; permit.
2. To endure without repugnance; put up with. (Random House Dictionary)
With this double definition I could identify the problem I had with the word: it means two different things. “Without prohibition” and “without repugnance” are two seperate meanings entirely. We should tolerate, but we should not tolerate. We should allow freedom of expression; but we should not endure or put up with this freedom of expression without allowing ourselves the opportunity to disagree or disapprove. I think, regarding The American, that’s what I tried to do – achieve a tolerance balance between expression and disagreement. I will tolerate, but I will not tolerate. And I think that’s a good thing to try to achieve.
So that’s what the really right-wing, traditional, conservative, annoying American taught me about tolerance.
THE ARMARIUM 