Just over a month ago I celebrated my 18th birthday. I went jet-skiing in Vanuatu and it was amazing, thanks for asking. Since becoming an Official Grown Up, I have done many Grown Up things. Some examples which spring to mind include getting grinded on, renting pornography and buying $18 cocktails with my parent’s credit card. Finally, after nine years of childish bliss and nine years of awkward puberty, I am a fully developed, highly mature adult.
You know how in popular culture, high school is portrayed as this torturous hell-hole through which a cute and relatable protagonist endures bitchy Queen Bees, love and accidental heart break and more love, stifling status quos, bullying jocks, and general classroom monotony, emerging somehow better on the other side, having learnt some really important life lesson or twenty? Yeah? WELL BOY do I feel short-changed, because NONE of that stuff happened to me. My high school life was brilliant. In fact, most all my life lessons have been learnt second-hand, living through these characters. Fun.
Mean Girls taught me to hate pretty people.
Sometimes at work the older, wiser customers will share their life stories with me. Of wild nights and stupid decisions, all relayed with a nostalgic smile. They say: “You’re not like that, are you?” I shake my head. They pat me on the shoulder. “Good girl. Sensible.” And to them I say FUCK YOU sensible is an insult. Sensible is boring. You don’t know me! I’m exciting! I’m irresponsible! I wake up at noon!
I’ve been aware of my embarrassing naivety for a while, but it’s only really JUST hit me, days before uni and five minutes after my parents harassed me about why I haven’t yet found a job (I’m saving myself for The One, gahd): I am an Actual Adult, yet I feel like I’ve missed out on the appropriate life experiences to get me here. As if I’ve been cheated of something important.
I never skipped school or got in trouble. I never partied or drank at a young age, snuck out late, ran away, lied to my parents about my whereabouts or goings-on. I’ve never been properly grounded. I’ve never fallen in love or broken my heart or had a successful serious relationship.* I’ve never had sex. I’ve never been in any kind of fight. I’ve never been bullied. I’ve never failed.
Maybe you read the above and think, wtf is she complaining about!? So you’ve had a largely uneventful adolescence. Big deal, African children are starving, shut your insolent angsty pie-hole. Some of my similarly inexperienced friends will read this and think, you silly bitch, except without the bitch because they don’t swear. Why lie, why break the rules? That’s just immature. You can have fun without alcohol! Ew, boy germs.
And I’m hearing you. But my point is: I’ve never learned. I haven’t had the chance to experience and learn things myself. I’ve never been challenged, I’ve never grown stronger from some trying time. I have no idea what kind of person I am in the face of adversity. I’ve been so sheltered that now, when I finally get to spread my wings as a legal adult, a lot of people my age have already been there, done that. And I’m only just getting started.
But I’ve come to realise something.
It’s really easy to think like that. To compare: what if, if only. But self-pity and negativity are like a McDonalds meal – fun in the moment, but ultimately unhealthy. I may feel like a half-formed adult, but it does no good to maintain a “grass is greener” attitude. Dwelling on the things I haven’t done is pointless. Why live and regret the past, when you can be grateful and live in the present? My adolescence may have been less exciting than the books and films promised, but I had fun. I’ve got time. My experiences may be different from other 18 year olds, but that’s okay: those experiences make up me, and I am frikkin awesome.
I guess I have learned something after all.
*I don’t count the time I dated my best friend for two months. I learnt more about fish than I did about relationships or penises.
THE ARMARIUM 