First up, let’s get things straight (lol). I’m not a lesbian, and I’m about 85% sure I’m not bi sexual. I just have this thing about vaginas. I love them. Well, “love” them – it’s really all a joke because I’m a feminist and people’s reactions to statements like “I love vaginas” and paraphernalia such as vag badges and pussy power shirts (two of my most prized possessions) are absolutely priceless. The thing is, my joke has evolved into a semi-legit thing, as in my defensiveness to ignorant questions such as ‘um wtf why?’ I’ve developed several ACTUAL REASONS to love front-bums. There is some serious, meaningful shit behind the words.
(To clarify, I also think that trouser snakes are fab, but I kinda feel like they get enough love already. Our world is filled with phallic imagery, as my former English teachers have all too enthusiastically pointed out to me. As a beaver-bearer myself, I feel a little left out. Where is my architectural display of grandeur!? Never mind that prick-like pillars and poles are fundamental to the structural foundations of most buildings! I want more symbolic muffs, goddamit!)
A lot of the males in my life think I’m REALLY WEIRD for my self-professed love for punanis. Whatever. They don’t understand. You probably don’t either. But I’m here to explain.
LABIA-NASTY
Let’s start with the facts. Genital surgery for females is on the steady increase. Covered by Medicare, in 2010-2011 1565 claims were processed (100% more than a decade ago), with the actual number of procedures thought to be much higher. Girls as young as 14 have had the operation performed. Usually undertaken for cosmetic reasons, with labiaplasty being the most popular, the pursuit of the designer vagina is steeped in culturally-learnt shame.
The focus of much of this shame is on the appearance of the vulva, specifically the labia, though colour can also be a concern. Half of all women have protruding labia minora, yet mainstream pornography predominantly features women with ‘tidy’-looking genitals, many of whom have been surgically reconstructed, contributing to unrealistic ideas and ideals. Further, the Australian Classification Board actually censors protruding vulva as it is seen as ‘too explicit’, leaving nowhere on the female body free from the Photoshop touch in most media publications. Even anatomical pictures portray the female genitals as small and pink and uniform. Crude nicknames such as beef curtains and philly steak, while creative, don’t improve matters.
Genital anxiety inevitably negatively affects the sexual functioning of women. Feelings of embarrassment and shame can enter the bedroom and hamper sexual performance and activity, but the implications are also physiological. The labia minora is a highly sensitive sexual organ, dense with nerve endings and sensory receptors, the removal of which can hinder the ability to orgasm. Essentially, labiaplasty unnecessarily destroys an erogenous zone because of warped perceptions on what constitutes normal and attractive.
As a society we need to understand that vaginas and vulvas and labia aren’t disgusting; these statistics are disgusting. A change is needed. We need to love vaginas.
THE SEX-POSITIVE MOVEMENT
Now, let’s lighten the mood. There is a solution to the depressing phenomenon described above, and an array of other issues surrounding gender and sexuality: Sex-positivity. Sex positivity isn’t simply about loving sex – it’s the attitude towards human sexuality that all consensual sexual activities are healthy and pleasurable. With an emphasis on sex-ed, support for people of all genders, sexualities and orientations, healthy body image and general love and acceptance of all, sex positivity is about Being You, Being Proud and saying a huge FUCK YOU to shame. Doesn’t it sound wonderful?
Me professing my love for fannies is me practicing sex positivity. I am pro-puntang, pro-body confidence, pro-self love and support! I am pro-sex, and there ain’t nothing harmful about it.
PUSSY PRIDE
Implicit in the statement “I love vaginas” is a love for my own peach pie, but a few years back I would NEVER have said anything of the sorts, not least because I actually cared what people thought of me; back then, I didn’t like my what-I-now-recognise-as-lovely honey pot. Mine seemed different, unattractive. I was self-conscious and ashamed, and dreaded the thought of baring it to others.
Knowing that thinking this way SUCKS and was going to prevent me from some first-class pleasure down the track, I decided to do something about it. I looked at pictures online that were outside the manufactured mainstream. I looked at myself, getting used to the idea that I am normal, simply because there is no normal. I practiced the idea that I am beautiful until I believed it.
Obviously my positive body image is not infallible, but I’ve learnt to take pride in my baben baby maker, a great and empowering feeling that I want to spread. Be proud!
SUPPORTING MY SISTAZ
I’m big into girl power. I feel proud whenever I hear of some successful woman doing some amazing thing. My favourite three-word sentence is YOU GO GIRL. Thus, it makes me very sad to think that so many females are concerned about how they look in the downstairs department.
You don’t have to poke your fingers too far into the internet or your friendship circles to find many a sorry victim of vulva anxiety. My poor fellow warriors!!! Hearing some troubled soul confess her feelings of worry and shame just makes me want to run over and comfort them and bake them a cake even though I have a neutral relationship towards baking and sweet goods so maybe I’d just order takeaway pizza and I’d envelope them in a big insecurity-killing bear hug and say HEY! YOU ARE NORMAL. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. LOVE YOURSELF. LOVE VAGINAS.
Me loving vaginas is about me sending out the signal to my gal-pals –I’m here for ya. Bby I accept you. Love your lady bits!
FOR REAL THOUGH, VAGINAS ARE ACTUALLY AWESOME
Give me one reason why I shouldn’t love vaginas. Oh yeah well whatever you just came up with is completely inconsequential because VAGINAS GIVE LIFE which is way more important than any supposed drawback immature boys conjure up because they’re scared of the unknown. If you weren’t already aware of this, our velvet undergrounds are literally fundamental to the continuation of the human race.
Evolutionary importance aside, a vag is just fab to have. She’s like your best friend, only minus everything annoying. You can’t live without her and you LOVE spending time with her. She is your hot water bottle on a cold winter’s night. She knows your likes and dislikes better than you do. She is always there to excuse your behaviour or get you out of things, at any time of the month.
Vaginas are awesome.
AND BASICALLY I’M JUST MAKING A HUGE FEMINIST STATEMENT
“I love vaginas” is a joke, but it is a joke that when probed, I will stand proudly behind: as elucidated above, vagina love is important. PUSSY POWER!!!
Note: Not all people who own vaginas are female. I apologise to those who may read this and take offense to the language used which implies all owners of a vagina identify as female.
Header Image by Mooncup
THE ARMARIUM 